glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize