Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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