Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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