I wanna bring you to show and tell
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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