Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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