Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
tell me about the fingering
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