you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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