Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
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I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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