So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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