drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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