The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I deserve this hangover.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize