because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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