omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize