I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize