you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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