I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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