I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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