theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize