we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize