My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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