My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
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Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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