Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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