id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize