she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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