all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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