Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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