Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

y did u give ur computer a hand job?

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(734): y did u give ur computer a hand job? http://tfl.nu/nk4j

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(650): View more from California

i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

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(650): i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ss3s

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(512): View more from Texas

its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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(512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen

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(978): Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen http://tfl.nu/ycl6

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(317): View more from Indiana

im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.

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(317): im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like. http://tfl.nu/djvv

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(914): View more from New York

at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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(914): at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors. http://tfl.nu/h61j

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(310): View more from California

So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

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(310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9

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(540): View more from Virginia

You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.

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(540): You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm. http://tfl.nu/f71e

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(248): View more from Michigan

I slept with him to see his dog one last time

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(248): I slept with him to see his dog one last time http://tfl.nu/kvlf

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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(865): I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only. http://tfl.nu/wjh3

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(315): View more from New York

my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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(315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy

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(+45): View more from Denmark

The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.

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(+45): The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm. http://tfl.nu/ztnf

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(713): View more from Texas

Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

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(713): Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/0l6b

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(732): View more from New Jersey

My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.

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(732): My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe. http://tfl.nu/2f1v

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(802): View more from Vermont

Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.

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(802): Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step. http://tfl.nu/mq9b

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