shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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