Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize