i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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