Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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