the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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