don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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