Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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