Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
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there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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