Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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