dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize