I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think my tv is drunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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