i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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