drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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