Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
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Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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