Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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