then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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