Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Let's paint friendship bongs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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