when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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