Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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