hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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