8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize