My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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