I wish I could punch you in the face.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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